step forward, step back...

this could be the mantra of my life.  i think the actual saying is "two steps forward, one step back" - my version is "one step forward, two steps back..."

anyway i'm still fat.  failed miserably at the no-bread-group idea.  i love carbs so much i just LOVE them and i just can't choose not to say no to them.  weight this morning was 204.  i was so busy this week that i haven't run since monday, and when i went out today with my friend, i made it 3 miles and thought i was going to die.  somehow i am supposed to do a half marathon in 7 weeks - not sure how that is going to happen.  i am so miserable in my body- so uncomfortable and embarrassed.  my clothes (even my fat clothes) look terrible.  i went out with some friends this morning and various photos ended up on facebook- and i am MORTIFIED.  i can't believe that i have turned into the fat girl in pictures.  i hardly recognize myself.  and knowing that so many other people are seeing me like this (ex boyfriend for example) makes me want to crawl in a hole.  i HATE it.  why is this SO HARD??  i know so many things in my life would be better if i were thinner.  but i feel so hopeless about making it happen.  ugh :o(


so anyway, that is my two steps back.  let's talk about my step forward!

in financial news (i told you i would have news!) i have a new job!!  after years of thinking about it, i finally signed on to be in independent consultant with rodan + field dermatologists.  i'm really excited about it.  i had to drain my savings for the initial investment (don't be TOO alarmed, my savings was all of $500) but i feel confident that i can earn that back and then some.  i have a great mentor/coach in the business (thanks goetzgirl!) and i'm crossing my fingers i can make this work.  i don't need a million dollars (like the company's top rep makes!), i just need a few.  so if you've ever thought about getting the best non-prescription anti-aging skincare system on the planet, you are hereby invited to visit my new website: https://sarahk.myrandf.com/.  no pressure ;o)

(p.s. i'm hosting a little wine & cheese party next friday for my business "launch" and i have to say i'm nervous- it's like being in high school again, what if no one comes??)

what else to tell you.  i have no plans for the week upcoming so hopefully i'll be able to get back into my training runs. i am also thinking about starting p90x on march 1st...  but wow 90 days is a long time and double wow, those workouts intimidate me.  plus i think the only time i could commit to doing it would be in the mornings before work and we all know how i feel about getting up early to work out (don't we? in case we don't, let me tell you.  i feel very very badly about it).  but my current regimen of doing very little and hoping that it works isn't turning out to be very effective in the whole losing-weight objective, so perhaps i should just suck it up already.

i'll keep you posted!  cheers-